I’m pretty heated to be honest. By the time you read this, maybe I won’t be, but in this moment in time, at 10:26 in the morning on a Tuesday in July of 2019 I am HEATED. Want to know why? I’ll tell you why. I’ll dissect, destroy, and dispose of why. Why I am heated is because I have spent the majority of my early adult life (a whopping 6 years, crazy, I know) realizing that I have learned to do only ONE thing expert-level well: doubt myself.
Are you freaking kidding me? How is it that we are on a magical, sea-foam green, floating ball of matter in the night sky and the majority of us homo sapiens can’t even figure out how to stop doubting ourselves? Why is it that we were taught to doubt ourselves in the first place? Why is it that to know your power, step into your power, act on your power, use your power, and love your power, you are seen as acting superior and egotistical?
Absolutely fuck that. Say it with me friends:
“Absolutely fuuuuuuck that.”
We live in a society that thrives on telling you every last detail about how you should behave, where you should work, what you should eat, who you should date, how you should date them, how you should make love to them, what lotion you should put on your butt rash, etc. It seems to me that from the moment we popped out of our mother’s uterus, we were treated as useless, incapable, naïve, clumps of cells. There is this preconceived idea that children don’t know how to do anything— they don’t really know what they should be in this life, they don’t really know how to behave— therefore, they must be told by parents, teachers, society, BuzzFeed articles, and pretty much everyone but their own inner guide, how to live. Who the hell made up this load of poop? Because I’m over it. Not over poop. Over feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing without outside direction.
I think if we allowed the intuition, the innate GPS system, the heart of the child, and later the heart of the adult, to lead us to make decisions as to who we want to be, what we want to do, and HOW we want to do it, we would have more than one Hannah Montana, believe me. We would have so many God damn Hannah Montana’s that Hannah Montana wouldn’t even be cool. (No offense Miley, I still love you.)
But seriously, this habit we all have of doubting our worth, our power, our potential… it was ALL learned. All of it. It’s a habit we have adopted from adults older than us who, guess what, doubted the shit out of themselves!
It’s ridiculous. All of us adults “adulting” everywhere, acting like we know what the hell we are doing, but can’t even form the words “I love myself” without either feeling like a huge narcissist or full-o-shit, thanks to faulty, programmed, limiting beliefs.
I’m tired of it. I’m done. There is a boat load of faulty programmed beliefs up in that bitch. That bitch being my subconscious mind and the subconscious mind of the collective human consciousness. I don’t know about you, but this self-doubt has kept me small, broke, anxious, depressed, and left settling in life.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I do got time to love myself though and cringe at the use of this poor grammar for humorous effect.